


Six Characters in Search of a Reylo Trope

by cryforwhat, MFA101



Series: Double Dicks Ben Solo [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Blink and you will miss, Blue Butterflies, Breeding, Crack, Dark Side Rey, Dirty Talk, E is for Every hole penetrated, Enemies to Lovers, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Humor, I owe Pirandello an apology, Lactation Kink, Loss of Virginity, Shirtless Kylo Ren, Skywalker Family Drama, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, This fic is safe to read if you are triggered by pregnancy, This story is not safe to read if you are drinking boba tea, Tropes, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), banters, some kind of meta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:47:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryforwhat/pseuds/cryforwhat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MFA101/pseuds/MFA101
Summary: "I don't know," whined the unconventionally handsome young man with a long face and a big nose. "Why do I have to be shirtless?" He tugged the top of his pants with his big thick leather gloved hands, making his already high waistline impossibly higher, and looked around the room at the others."Because," explained the young girl with three buns standing in front of him, "for some unexplainable reasons, readers really want to see your big manly mammary gland..."Off Anon now that the event is over.Warning: Do not drink water while reading this crack.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Double Dicks Ben Solo [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1144778
Comments: 23
Kudos: 125
Collections: A Picture is worth 1000 Words - PL Summer Exchange





	Six Characters in Search of a Reylo Trope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tmwillson3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmwillson3/gifts).



> Inspired by Pirandello and many of Theresa's favorite tropes.  
>   
> 

It was a dark and stormy night. Hey, don't tell me you've read this story before. This was a different dark and stormy night to the one you've read.

There was a full moon that somehow got clouded by a heavy haze, and there were weird animal roars in the woods from time to time now that the lumberjacks had returned home for the evening and would not contribute anything to the plot.

"I don't know," whined the unconventionally handsome young man with a long face and a big nose. "Why do I have to be shirtless?" He tugged the top of his pants with his big thick leather gloved hands, making his already high waistline impossibly higher, and looked around at the others in the room, whose exact location did not really matter.

"Because," explained the young girl with three buns standing in front of him, "for some unexplainable reasons, readers really want to see your big manly mammary gland..."

"Okay, stop! Now you just made it sound way creepier than it actually is." He answered, "but there are other characters in the story as well, female characters! I thought tits are a majorly woman thing! Why can't one of them be shirtless for a change?"

"Don't look at me, son, my golden bikini days are long gone. And I'm pretty sure I am not supposed to show my bits in any part of this story in case people paint you with more mommy issues," answered the petite middle-aged lady sitting in a rocking chair in the corner sipping a margarita. "Anyway, not that my sagging teats are of any interest to anyone."

"They are, very much, to me, your highness," chuckled the old man in a leather jacket next to her in a recliner. He patted his thighs suggestively. "Wanna join me in my lap, princess?"

"Hell, no. My sciatica can't take that anymore," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Well you can't blame your man for wanting to cop a feel." He looked at the young man's shocked face, "Hey, don't look at me like we didn't conceive you on the Falcon. I am properly qualified to be the dirty old man in the story! After all, I am officially your father."

"Why are you even here? Dad? Didn't I [trigger content REDACTED] you? Ah, am I hallucinating again? Is grandpa also here by any chance?"

"Roarwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

"I know, right Chewie, Benny boy and his granddaddy issues." The old man chuckled while shaking his head. "Besides, you got tits so broad that we could play Dejarik on it." 

"Okay boomer! I don't even know what that means! Why does my father want to play holo-projected combat games on top of my chest, is there a deeper incestuous homo-erotic symbolism?"

"No, it's just a placeholder until the author can think of a better simile. She'll change it before this one gets posted," assured the first girl in the room.

"And you, you are supposed to be the heroine. Can't you get your shirt off?" asked the first young man. "For the sake of whatever this is? MeToo me?"

"Wow, that's not subtle at all!" the girl crossed her arms in front of her bee stings rather defensively. "We are supposed to be enemies, remember? We are supposed to keep our unresolved sexual tension at bay until it can't be stretched any further!"

"Yeah, keep your salacious notions about her in your pants for the moment before they snap." Another old man shook his white hooded head with disapproval. "My naughty naughty nephew!" 

"Why are you even here as well?"

"I'm pretty sure I just show up as a bit of comic relief before the sex scenes." He scratched his unkempt beard, then resumed to bottle-feed the cute porg on his lap with blue milk. "Angsty slow burn and emotional constipation is no fun. Ain't nobody like a whiny old virgin."

"Tell me something I didn't know already," the young man said with a heavy sigh. "Just... why me!"

"I wouldn't know," the old man shrugged and longingly stared at the middle-aged woman, still so graceful and beautiful with her delicate braids over her head. He looked down and stroked the nursing porg. "Just... make sure you are not somehow related."

"Don't worry, she is a Palpatine," the young man said, straightening himself with a smirk, "I double-checked."

The whole room erupted into a lot of noises, including a burp from a well-fed porg.

"Roarwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

"Ewwwwww!" 

"Which means there will be a dark Rey!"

"Wow! The plot thickens. Does that mean there will be some girl-on-girl action, or better yet, a sandwich with this piece of free-ranged Alderaanian organic beef in the middle?"

"You made it sound dirtier than it is dark, you nerf herder."

"Yeah, kind of, but more like a click-bait."

"Pffffffffffft."

"Anyway," the young girl continued with a yawn, "For some reason, I'm the perfect choice who introduces the antagonist or maybe it's the protagonist - the creators can never keep those terms straight - to sexual bliss, sans any pre-experience."

"Why do people keep assuming that we are both virgins, especially me?" The young man glowered at the rest of the room. "I'm like almost 30 years old!"

"With a tragic past and a redemption arc so big that..." A pause. "Look at those blue butterflies."

"What do blue butterflies have to do with my redemption arc?"

Everyone exchange a meaningful yet empty look in silence.

"Now, now, children. No one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do. If you are not ready, just don't do it. I doubt if she's going to start a non-con one for this specifically cracky fluffy exchange," piped up the petite lady in the rocking chair, with a single drop of tear sliding down her aging cheek. "No matter how desperate I am for my precious Skywalker grandbabies."

"Shut up! We are definitely not gonna do this with so many people in the same room!"

"Yeah, and with an orgy out of question, I don't think this counts as voyeurism kink either," the old man stood up and helped his wife to her feet. "We shall see ourselves out."

"See you around, kid," the other old man followed the old couple, cradling his baby porg.

The two young people looked at each other with determination.

"You talk first, I talk first?"

"Are we really going to do this?"

"Let's do it this way, I will show you mine, and you show me yours."

"Deal."

They started to undress.

All was quiet in the room, the only sounds were rustles and hustles, a random animistic roar from the woods, then snickers and gasps...

"Is that why you keep your waistband so high? Because you have tentacles? Aw... they are so lovely, can I touch them? Hiiiiii, Bentacles!"

"You are awfully enthusiastic about this. I thought I was the monster in this dynamic."

"Now, let me show you mine: you are not alone."

"Wow... now I start to doubt if we are really not related."

"Shut up, do you really care?"

"Not really."

"Anyway this will be a truly special first time! Let's tangle!"

....

More sensual touching, and more slithering noises.

And then it got more and more intense with a lot of slimy limbs and body fluid involved, every hole was penetrated, utterly filthy.

The pounding on the other side of the door went unanswered. The rattle of the doorknob went unnoticed. No one paid any attention to the new voice.

"Damn! Why did I spill my boba tea all over my computer? If I can't even type, how am I ever supposed to get this one finished in time?"

**Author's Note:**

> The moodboard is not directly related to the story, I just like the aesthetic, bite me lol.  
> There are probably a lot of typos because 1), English is not my first language, and 2), my boba tea ruined my computer.


End file.
